dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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