Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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