My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
