Swine flu. Run for my life!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The power of my boobs compel you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
