There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize