i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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