Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
