Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
