What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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