Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
id be glad to
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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