it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Terrible idea I love it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
