so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
