Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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