Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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