I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
