from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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