he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
