I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
