At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
