I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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