Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
