After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
