i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
