giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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