Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
