theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
