You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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