I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love you.
Bad choice
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