"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
