You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
