I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
