Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
