I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
