we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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