The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
