i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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