this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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