Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
