you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
