I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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