Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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