I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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