I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
