I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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