You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
