Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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