I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize