Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
