Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
