I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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