the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love you. Go after that dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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