her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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