I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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