I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
