hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize