i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize