Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
