I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
