I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
