I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
