he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
