If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
