Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
